Today I had to break up with a couple of clients I love. I love their vision, their commitment, their passion… but every time I sat down to do work for them, I hit a big wall of resistance. They were also the first client whose deadline I missed – by a long shot. (I’m actually pretty anal about deadlines and I don’t commit to something I can’t complete on the discussed schedule, so this was a REALLY big deal for me.) Every day that went by had me feeling heavier… guiltier… and UGH… shameful.
I had a chat with someone today about my need to release the things that no longer serve me… that I often hold on MUCH longer than is healthy. This is so true in my personal life. I’ve stayed in bad relationships, in unhealthy friendships, and shitty jobs to my detriment. If you don’t know, in 2013 I suffered a breakdown that resulted in a year of recovery from debilitating anxiety… so yeah – guilty of this! My recovery really helped me to take stock of my life and set some better boundaries. But in my business… there were still some of these patterns. I held onto clients who were pains in the ass (which is why I have my zero jerks policy now), I took on projects I wasn’t lit up about, and I kicked dead horses with events and retreats… not because they had a chance of making it, but because I was honouring some abstract commitment I’d made to the promotion instead of pulling the plug when I knew it wasn’t going to happen. It felt okay for it to fail so long as I went down swinging… but it was exhausting… and every time it happened, a little part of me died.
So today, my heart is heavy. Because while I know I made the right choice for me, it sucked. Especially because I really like and respect these people. I feel guilty for not seeing it through, and I’m in a place where I’m a bit hard on myself if I’m entirely honest.
But I know it was the right thing to do.
And the shitty feeling is temporary.
And despite the guilt and shame, I’m also really fucking proud of myself for honouring my needs… finally.
I invite you to do the same.