Giving, Getting and Goodness

by | Oct 24, 2016 | Authenticity, Clients, Life Lessons, Self-Care, Service

What if I told you that just because you CAN help someone, doesn’t mean you SHOULD?

Does it feel icky?

Do you feel like a selfish jerk?

I get it… I really do.

But here is the thing, sweet one… as a recovering over-giver, I have a bit of advice I’d like to share. You can take it if it resonates for you, and leave it if it doesn’t. (Please kindly hold back any eff yous, etc. I get it, I’m not for everybody.)

These are the side effects of over giving:

  1. You burn out
    Now this may seem obvious, but bear with me… You know when you’re in an airplane and they give the spiel about the oxygen masks and how you need to put yours on before helping someone else? Sames goes for giving. When you give at your own expense, and you start to burn out, guess what happens? You’re not able to give anymore.
    So setting healthy boundaries, including time to recouperate, will help you keep your batteries charged, and you willing/able/ready to serve. Because that’s what it’s all about, right?
  2. You get taken for granted
    Here’s the shitty thing about human beings… we don’t always appreciate what comes easily. So when we’re always giving, (and of course, not letting people reciprocate because it’s hard for givers to learn to receive) we’re not always appreciated and we can easily set ourselves up for being taken for granted. This is an easy time to slip into victim mode… “Why does this always happen TO ME?” But that’s not it at all. We play an active role in how others treat us, so if they’re taking and not giving back, that’s because of the rules of engagement that WE SET.
    What can you do? Change the motherfluffing rules! You’re a badass, beautiful, and you don’t have to keep playing the game the way you always have. Set some boundaries, say no, only give what you’re comfortable giving, and ask for shit in return. (More on this later.)
  3. It stops feeling good
    Givers feel good when they give… but they don’t feel good when they burn out, or when they feel taken advantage of. That makes them feel RESENTFUL which is one of the ickiest feelings there is. Giving should light you up. It should make your soul sing. If it doesn’t, it’s not in alignment, so head back to the drawing board to find a way that will make you feel warm and fuzzy from top to toe.
    You totally deserve to feel that good, I promise.

About asking for shit in return

I promised I’d come back to this, so here it goes. Today in my mastermind, a colleague was discussing someone she was providing some free services to, and the person was not only unappreciative, they were also unwilling/able to really do the work. She is investing her time with ZERO return. Now… return doesn’t always have to come in the form of financial exchange. (That’s nice though, isn’t it?) Sometimes return looks like:

  • a new subscriber to your list (via free content)
  • a glowing testimonial
  • a killer item in your portfolio
  • word of mouth promotion
  • a happy feel-good feeling in your tummy

Giving (whether it’s time, content, money, expertise, what have you) has to come with some sort of a return. If it doesn’t, you need to reevaluate. You will likely need to pivot where you’re investing yourself so that your business gets some goodness back. Don’t give because you’re afraid to say no. Give because it feels good and you’re getting something valuable in return.

Because here’s the thing, sweetness…

Giving is an exchange of energy. Which means you also need to get something back. If you use up all of your time/energy/resources giving to people with zero return, you will have nothing left to offer your dream clients who are just WAITING to gobble up your content and hand over their money.

Let me repeat that.

Your dream clients are WAITING FOR YOU. Don’t miss them because you’re spreading yourself too thin elsewhere.

Sending you love!
seryna signed

Seryna Myers with glasses on

Hi. I’m Seryna

I spent the first part of my life hiding who I was. I worried about how others would react if they saw the truest me – where I came from, what I believed.

After more than a decade of deep, devotional inner work, I was able to discover my most authentic self – the big, magical, “too much” girl that had been shouting to come out and play for years. But finding that girl was a lot easier than BECOMING that girl. That shit was hard.

I know how turbulent it is to overhaul your life. But YOU know that you can’t wait any longer. You’ve arrived at the point of no return, and the only thing to do now is move forward one step at a time.

ENTER YOUR FIRST NAME + EMAIL TO GET THE 18-PAGE GUIDE TO AWAKENING YOUR INNER PSYCHIC.

ENTER YOUR FIRST NAME + EMAIL TO GET THE 18-PAGE GUIDE TO AWAKENING YOUR INNER PSYCHIC.

Privacy Policy: We hate spam too and promise to keep your email address safe.

You're on the list! Check your email for next steps.

ENTER YOUR FIRST NAME + EMAIL TO GET MY 22-PAGE GUIDE, CONVERSATIONS WITH ANGER

ENTER YOUR FIRST NAME + EMAIL TO GET MY 22-PAGE GUIDE, CONVERSATIONS WITH ANGER

Privacy Policy: We hate spam too and promise to keep your email address safe.

You're on the list! Check your email for next steps.

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This