The subconscious mind is a beautiful poetess… she weaves together imagery, memories, and feelings in this evocative tapestry that brings up everything you’ve been avoiding seeing.
When the conscious mind rests, then unconscious mind sees all.
This week I’m partaking in a 5-day LinkedIn challenge. In my conscious mind, I saw this as a way of stretching my reach, meeting new people and bringing the woo to the corporate world.
My unconscious mind has different ideas however.
- It wanted me to remember how badly I fit in when that was my world.
- How stifling I found certain industries.
- How hard it was for me to feel fully expressed.
Wounds I’m still healing, sure but also things my clients struggle with today that I may have lost touch with after being out of the world for nearly a decade.
What we experience is often a remedy for our clients. It’s medicine for their soul’s ache. But our job is to have the courage to dig in, extract the lessons, so we can heal ourselves and share that with the world.
In a couple of weeks, it will have been 14 years since I entered the corporate world.
It was one of the most challenging times I’ve ever experienced in my life, but also the time I experienced the most expansion. I sort of grew up in my first real corporate job.
- I earned the nickname “little ball of rage” as I learned to navigate the world of healthily established boundaries.
- I found the edges of my comfort zone and tested them with what I thought were rebellious hair cuts and shoes, but turned out to be just me squirming in my suit-skin.
- I learned about the value I bring, even if it would take me several years to actually honour it.
In a couple of months, it will be a decade since I left the corporate world.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told that I was brave for going out on my own. Full disclosure: there was ZERO bravery there.
In my tech corporate days, I had this deep knowing I was meant for something else, but I turned down jobs in non profits, or passion work (like radio that I trained in) because I was unwilling to let go of the money, and the security it brought. (I was also raising my teenage sister at the time, so even though I was hella young, I understood what a lot of my 40+ year old clients today experience.)
In my alternative health corporate days, my lack of boundaries and self care lead to a nervous breakdown. I didn’t leave because I was brave, I left because I couldn’t get out of bed for the better part of a year, and needed to undergo a lot of inner work before I was fit for any kind of work at all. And even then, I still don’t trust an employer to take care of my needs, so I work for myself where I can regulate work flow, deadlines, and commitments.
My dream last night where I spoke to one of my old corporate bosses who offered me a job in a similar industry was sandwiched between stress dreams, including one with an actual murder and crime scene. (How’s THAT for metaphorical.) My subconscious is obviously feeling a bit triggered at the idea of dabbling in LinkedIn (an account I only set up because corporate insisted), thinking I was heading back there. Today, I’m going to do the work, but also reassure my psyche that it’s safe, that we’re doing our thing, and we’re always. moving. forward.
Would I have preferred a better night’s sleep?
But am I grateful to see these old stories come to light so I can work on them and take the lessons back out to reach the very people I’m intending to connect with this week?
Hell yeah. Bring it!